Archive for April, 2008

Floor Kitty
April 30, 2008

Y (9:53:29 PM): omg! something is hissing at me through my heat vent in my bathroom floor

T (9:53:38 PM): hissing?

Y (9:53:43 PM): yes! hissing!

T (9:53:45 PM): like an animal?

Y (9:53:46 PM): and scratching!

T (9:53:47 PM): and omg

T (9:53:52 PM): its a HERPY

Y (9:53:52 PM): what the fuck

T (9:54:01 PM): go stomp on the floor

Y (9:54:07 PM): i tried. it hissed

T (9:54:08 PM): scare that shit off

T (9:54:10 PM): oh.

Y (9:54:14 PM): i’ve heard it 3 times

T (9:54:16 PM): throw food out your door

Y (9:54:21 PM): and i saw some kind of eyes

T (9:54:22 PM): and watch out the window

T (9:54:26 PM): NO WAY

Y (9:54:32 PM): IT’S IN MY FLOOR

T (9:54:38 PM): did you drop acid and forget to mention it?

Y (9:54:40 PM): my heat vents are on my floor

Y (9:54:44 PM): fuck off

T (9:54:56 PM): shine a flash light in there

T (9:55:00 PM): is it a cat hissing?

Y (9:55:03 PM): no

T (9:55:05 PM): do you have a trapped kitty?

T (9:55:10 PM): a racoon?

Y (9:55:12 PM): at least i don’t think so

T (9:55:14 PM): a possum

Y (9:55:16 PM): i don’t know!

T (9:55:23 PM): go get a damn flash light and look

T (9:55:50 PM): If you arent back in 5 minutes I will call the po-leese

Y (9:56:01 PM): i can’t find a fucking flashlight

T (9:56:07 PM): a lighter?

Y (9:56:21 PM): and i’m afraid to take the vent cover off. its eyes were right under it

T (9:56:22 PM): how do you not have a flash light?

Y (9:56:26 PM): i tried that, too dim

T (9:56:28 PM): right, don’t do that

Y (9:56:30 PM): i don’t know!

T (9:56:47 PM): like you can’t see it with the lights on?

T (9:56:57 PM): can you close the vent?

T (9:56:59 PM): is it like that?

T(9:57:03 PM): how did it get in your vent?

T (9:57:11 PM): you are going to have to figure that out

T (9:57:22 PM): you are still renting, right?

T (9:57:25 PM): call the landlord!

T (9:57:34 PM): is it a loud hiss?

T (9:57:43 PM): are you positive it is a living creature?

T (9:57:52 PM): I would be freaking the fuck out

Y (9:58:03 PM): yes, it’s living

T (9:58:04 PM): hell, I AM freaking out and I am 900 miles away

Y (9:58:06 PM): and i can’t see shit

Y (9:58:26 PM): the weirdest part is the cats aren’t freaking out

T (9:58:28 PM): it’s only in your bathroom?

T (9:58:30 PM): right

Y (9:58:35 PM): no, it was in my living room the other night

T (9:58:36 PM): take one in there

T (9:58:39 PM): oh

Y (9:58:41 PM): i heard it scratching

T (9:58:49 PM): its a racoon or possum

T (9:58:56 PM): you need to get it out before it dies in there

Y (9:58:57 PM): make it go away!

T (9:59:03 PM): that stinks SO FUCKING bad

Y (9:59:09 PM): what do i do?

Y (9:59:14 PM): and how in the fuck did it get in?

T (9:59:24 PM): well, those would be the million dollar questions

Y (9:59:26 PM): my siding is fucking BOLTED

T (9:59:33 PM): something dug under it

T (9:59:37 PM): you still have a crawl space

Y (9:59:40 PM): FUCK!

Y (9:59:59 PM): should i just cover the vent or put a towel in it or something?

T (10:00:07 PM): it will just go to another one

Y (10:00:15 PM): augh!

T (10:00:20 PM): and do you really want it saying hi in your bedroom?

Y (10:00:25 PM): god damn it

T (10:00:35 PM): call J?

T (10:00:42 PM): if i was up there I would make F go over

Y (10:00:43 PM): why, so he can laugh at me?

T (10:01:05 PM): ummmm…what to do

Y (10:01:12 PM): i think i’t’s gone for the minute

T (10:01:19 PM): its just sleeping

T (10:01:30 PM): really, its not going to do anything

T (10:01:38 PM): its just going to be pissed off wandering around in your vents

T (10:01:53 PM): its probably luxuriously warm in there

T (10:02:05 PM): you guys dont have possum do you?

Y (10:04:46 PM): i think it’s a fucking cat

Y (10:04:54 PM): there’s a bunch of strays around here

Y (10:05:02 PM): i think i saw ears and whiskers

Y (10:05:13 PM): it hissed when i made the come here kitty noise

Y (10:05:20 PM): and i heard it run out

T (10:05:55 PM): ok, so i asked F and his friends who he is talking to on the other computer

Y (10:06:06 PM): makes sense, that vent in the bathroom gets cat food dropped down it daily

T (10:06:13 PM): and the first suggestion was “Piss in the floor vent”

Y (10:06:18 PM): right

T (10:06:35 PM): is it bigger than a rat?

Y (10:06:46 PM): i couldn’t really see anything but i think it’s a cat

T (10:06:51 PM): okay

T (10:06:55 PM): well.. DONT ADOPT IT

Y (10:06:57 PM): simba was just sitting there staring at it

Y (10:06:59 PM): lol

Y (10:07:15 PM): they weren’t hissing or anything

T (10:07:17 PM): you could just name it and call it “floor kitty”

Y (10:07:21 PM): lol, right

T (10:07:45 PM): that would be an awesome memory for M

T (10:07:48 PM): the floor kitty

Y (10:07:49 PM): remember how i found the 3 kittens on my porch?

Y (10:07:52 PM): i think it’s one of them

T (10:07:55 PM): aww

Y (10:08:00 PM): they’re always around here

Y (10:08:09 PM): and a kitty isn’t scary

Y (10:08:11 PM): it’s a kitty

Y (10:09:10 PM): for sure it isn’t litle

Y (10:09:19 PM): it’s not a rat, thank god

Y (10:09:22 PM): or a mouse

T (10:09:26 PM): F and M think floor kitty is a great idea

Y (10:09:38 PM): tell them thanks for the help. hookers

T (10:09:49 PM): the other suggestion was to turn the heat on full blast

Y (10:09:59 PM): so i can cook it?

T (10:10:02 PM): right

T (10:10:05 PM): yum

T (10:10:09 PM): baked floor kitty

Y (10:10:10 PM): worth a shot

Y (10:10:11 PM): brb

T (10:10:16 PM): REALLY?!

T (10:10:28 PM): my cat is killing a bunny

T (10:11:31 PM): okay, its done now

Y (10:15:58 PM): ok, good news is it’s not in my heat ducts, it’s in the crawl space.

Y (10:16:10 PM): i was brave enough to take the vent cover off in the bathroom

Y (10:16:22 PM): where i saw the eyes was behind the heat part

Y (10:16:33 PM): so i shifted the metal and now theres no gap

Y (10:16:40 PM): so no more food for floor kitty

Y (10:16:46 PM): and i think he left anyway

Y (10:16:52 PM): damn, it’s hot in here now.

T (10:17:53 PM): lol

Y (10:18:15 PM): maybe if i stop FEEDING it it will go away

T (10:18:32 PM): I am kind of bummed

Y (10:18:38 PM): thanks?

T(10:18:39 PM): I was really liking the idea of floor kitty

Y (10:18:43 PM): lol.

Y (10:18:59 PM): i don’t want anything living under me

Y (10:19:02 PM): and scratching

Y (10:19:09 PM): cuz i’ve heard it a few times

T (10:19:10 PM): piffle

Y (10:19:17 PM): fear has made me ignore it

Y (10:19:23 PM): i just yell at my cats to stop

T (10:19:25 PM): it’s the ostrich method

T (10:19:27 PM): lol

Y (10:19:30 PM): lol

Y (10:19:41 PM): seriously, that bathroom has their litter box

Y (10:19:49 PM): i thought it was them a few times

T (10:19:58 PM): it was your 4th cat

Y (10:20:03 PM): and then they’re all string at me to make it stop

Y (10:20:14 PM): just what i need, certifiably crazy

 

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Once
April 30, 2008

Y (10:12:50 PM): once sucked, btw

T (10:12:55 PM): WHAT THE FUCK

Y (10:13:02 PM): i turned it off not even half way through

T (10:13:03 PM): its like you just punched me in the face

Y (10:13:05 PM): BORING!

Y (10:13:19 PM): and the songs….do they have to play the WHOLE SONG?

T (10:13:25 PM): not boring and the music was amazing

Y(10:13:28 PM): every time?

T (10:13:29 PM): der, its a musical

Y (10:13:32 PM): lol

Y (10:13:36 PM): not so much for me

Y (10:13:48 PM): have i mentioned that i loathe the song writing process

Y (10:13:56 PM): annoys the fuck out of me

T (10:14:01 PM): thats because you are a dog turd

Y (10:14:17 PM): right. so that movie was a special kind of torture for me

Y (10:14:21 PM): thanks

T (10:14:22 PM): its amazing!

Y (10:14:23 PM): love you too!

Y (10:14:29 PM): gah

T (10:14:41 PM): but you liked such classics like Enchanted.

Y (10:14:48 PM): lol, right

T (10:14:59 PM): have you see shaun of the dead?

T (10:15:04 PM): i have it recorded

Y (10:15:05 PM): because it was entertaining

Y (10:15:08 PM): i love that movie

Y (10:15:14 PM): and i hate stupid horror flicks

T (10:15:16 PM): you don’t like movies that make you feel things?

Y (10:15:22 PM): no.

T (10:15:27 PM): you don’t want to be moved

 

Internet Dating
April 30, 2008

T (9:36:35 PM): so have you considered internet dating?

Y (9:36:41 PM): ack. hell no

Y (9:36:44 PM): NO

T (9:36:49 PM): why not?

Y (9:36:55 PM): why would i?

T (9:37:02 PM): free dinner?

Y (9:37:22 PM): i like redbull and bacon, that’s not very expensive anyway

T (9:37:23 PM): possibly meeting someone that takes your breath away

T (9:37:30 PM): just saying

Y (9:37:32 PM): yeah, over the internet

Y (9:37:34 PM): great idea

T (9:37:47 PM): it happens

Y (9:37:52 PM): that’s how my dad met his wife

T (9:37:58 PM): see!

Y (9:37:58 PM): and my friends hooked up

Y (9:38:04 PM): yeah, but they’re freaks

Y (9:38:09 PM): and my dads old

T (9:38:09 PM): and you arent?

Y (9:38:16 PM): no, like dorky freaks.

T (9:38:21 PM):

Y (9:38:23 PM): i am not dorky. i’m just freaky

Y (9:38:39 PM): i give up on men

T (9:38:48 PM): you can meet women on the internet too

Y (9:38:54 PM): i’m over women

Y (9:39:03 PM): i hate most of them

Y (9:39:10 PM): why would i want to date one?

T (9:39:13 PM): last I was in the market, they only came in one of those two flavors

Y (9:39:18 PM): lol

Y (9:39:27 PM): that’s why i’m abstaining and fucking ghosts

T (9:39:31 PM): rofl

Y (9:40:23 PM): the only men that seem interested in me are weak willed pussies i can walk all over

Y (9:40:29 PM): that’s not my kind of guy

Y (9:40:37 PM): so i quit

Y (9:40:45 PM): but i’m done with cats too

T (9:40:54 PM): right

T (9:42:24 PM): I wish I could make a reality tv show about you

Y (9:42:32 PM): gee thanks

T (9:42:40 PM): i think it would be interesting

Y (9:42:44 PM): that would get tons of followers

T (9:42:44 PM): I would watch it

Y (9:42:45 PM): pfft

Y (9:43:06 PM): they could watch me get drunk while i chainsmoke and type on my computer

T (9:43:09 PM): Im annoying you tonight, I think 😛

Y (9:43:28 PM): lol, no, of course not. but what’s with all the quesions? augh!!!!!!!!

Y (9:44:09 PM): i just think you think i’m way more deep and interesting than i really am

T (9:44:12 PM): well, you are my best friend and so I tend to think about you a lot, so then i formulate these little ideas in my brain but they require fact checking and what not

Y (9:44:20 PM): lol

Y (9:44:34 PM): and what conclusions have you come to?

T(9:44:36 PM): none of these ideas ever go anywere

Y (9:44:42 PM): (btw, you like me because i’m like you)

T (9:45:04 PM): (so stop saying you aren’t deep and interesting, because I am.)

 

Awkward
April 30, 2008

T (9:32:56 PM): lol, I always have fun

Y (9:33:01 PM): pfft

Y (9:33:09 PM): but not with ME

T (9:33:14 PM): right!

T (9:33:19 PM): well, not with you IN PERSON

Y (9:33:28 PM): lol, exactly

Y (9:33:41 PM): and you know what’ll happen, right?

Y (9:33:51 PM): we will sit in awkward silence for 4 days

T (9:33:57 PM): haha, wont happen

Y (9:33:59 PM): cuz karma is a bitch

T (9:34:10 PM): I was going to say that we will sit huddled around the computer with wine in our hands?

Y (9:34:26 PM): lol, that sounds about right. we won’t know how to change our habits

T (9:34:32 PM): haha

Y (9:34:48 PM): but at least i’ll be able to hear you

T (9:34:54 PM): likewise

Y (9:35:06 PM): and your fucked up accent

T (9:35:11 PM): my fucked up accent?

Y (9:35:15 PM): lol

T (9:35:16 PM): whatever

T (9:35:27 PM): I am not the one who talks like they live in fargo

Y (9:35:35 PM): tell F i’ll bring my magic bath mats

T (9:35:41 PM): hahaha, that rocks

Y (9:36:00 PM): and don’t be suprised if i’m wearing an eye patch when you pick me up

T (9:36:07 PM): pirate hooker?

Y (9:36:12 PM): damn skippy!

Y (9:36:16 PM): arr!

T (9:36:21 PM): well, you will be in the right state

 

 

Herpes
April 30, 2008

T(8:44:00 PM): did you have mono?

Y (8:44:10 PM): no, a girl at work did

Y (8:44:15 PM): she didn’t lose weight, btw

T (8:44:19 PM): oh thats right

Y (8:44:22 PM): she was just miserable

T (8:44:24 PM): damnit

Y (8:44:28 PM): lol

T (8:44:28 PM): i dont want it then

Y (8:44:36 PM): no, you want salmonilla

T (8:44:41 PM): yea, I dunno why the fuck I am tired as hell

Y (8:44:43 PM): THAT will make you lose weight

T (8:44:49 PM): ew 

Y (8:44:50 PM): could be herpes 

T (8:44:59 PM): i dont have herpes

Y (8:45:04 PM): lol 

T (8:45:11 PM): i thought I did for 10 years, but I dont! 

Y (8:45:15 PM): maybe it’s because you’re a full time working mother 

Y (8:45:20 PM): what! 

T (8:45:24 PM): you didnt know about that? 

T (8:45:25 PM): lol 

Y (8:45:27 PM): how could you “think” you had herpes 

T (8:45:29 PM): its a funny story 

Y (8:45:34 PM): oh, do tell 

T (8:46:04 PM): well, when i was with R, I got a sorish spot on my inside cooter part 

Y (8:46:11 PM): ouch 

T (8:46:30 PM): so I went to the dr and he said it was probably herpes 

T (8:46:37 PM): I think he might have done a swabby thing 

Y (8:46:41 PM): did he LOOK at it? 

T (8:46:41 PM): but that was that 

T (8:46:48 PM): i think he did 

Y (8:46:51 PM): ok… 

T (8:46:51 PM): I dont remember 

T (8:47:01 PM): so… I thought i had herpes 

Y (8:47:10 PM): ooh, let me guess…. foliculitus 

T (8:47:15 PM): it didn’t shock me, I was a whore in high school 

Y (8:47:19 PM): lol 

T (8:47:33 PM): it was frictionitis 

Y (8:47:37 PM): ah 

Y (8:47:38 PM): nice 

Y (8:47:44 PM): i thought i had warts 

Y (8:47:52 PM): i SCREAMED at C 

T(8:48:00 PM): I even told F when we got together that I had herpes 

Y (8:48:03 PM): it was basically a pimple 

Y (8:48:07 PM): you did not!

T (8:48:11 PM): yup 

Y (8:48:13 PM): omg 

Y (8:48:18 PM): that’s fucking classic 

T (8:48:29 PM): and then we had like this half a three some right in the beginning and that girl had herpes 

T (8:48:34 PM): but it really didnt go anywhere 

Y (8:48:36 PM): ack 

Y (8:48:56 PM): what, the herpes? 

Y (8:48:59 PM): do they jump? 

T (8:49:01 PM): he didnt screw her, it was just touchy feely 

Y(8:49:06 PM): gag 

Y (8:49:16 PM): herpes! 

T (8:49:18 PM): well, we figured it was just cementing the herpesness 

Y (8:49:25 PM): lol.  

T (8:49:36 PM): then when I got pregnant, it came up again 

Y (8:49:51 PM): omg, you didn’t know for THAT LONG! 

T (8:50:05 PM): because you know, if you DO have herpes they are things they do to the baby so that you don’t blind your baby with the herpes 

Y (8:50:06 PM): you’re a retard 

Y (8:50:14 PM): right 

T (8:50:21 PM): so I told my midwife that I had herpes, well, that I thought i had herpes 

Y (8:50:24 PM): herpes would blind me and i’m no baby 

Y (8:50:36 PM): and then, you got tested and all was well in cooterville? 

T (8:50:46 PM): and she was all like – how often do you have outbreaks 

T (8:50:50 PM): and I was like… whaddya mean 

T (8:50:52 PM): i dont  

Y (8:50:54 PM): lol, outbreaks, you say?

Y (8:50:59 PM): !!! 

Y (8:51:02 PM): you’re killing me 

Y (8:51:16 PM): one bump and you think you have herpes 

T (8:51:25 PM): so then since they were already drawing so much blood, they ran that one too

T (8:51:27 PM): and no herpes 

T (8:51:31 PM): I am a-ok 

T (8:51:37 PM): no herps for the F either 

T (8:51:40 PM): lol 

Y (8:51:47 PM): holy crap, you thought you were all diseased for so long 

Y (8:51:50 PM): that would suck 

T (8:51:53 PM): we both did 

T (8:51:54 PM): lol 

Y (8:52:09 PM): have i mentioned that std’s are my greatest, and i mean GREATEST fear? 

Y (8:52:16 PM): otherwise i would be such a whore 

T (8:52:24 PM): i even went so far as to call the boy before R and tell him to watch his junk for the herps 

Y (8:52:30 PM): lol 

T (8:52:37 PM): no, you haven’t 

Y (8:52:42 PM): yeah, it is 

T (8:52:46 PM): I mean, yea – they are very ew 

T (8:52:54 PM): and its not just like the clap these days 

Y (8:52:56 PM): i don’t know why, they just terrify me 

T (8:53:00 PM): you get like tripple decker hiv 

Y (8:53:08 PM): right 

Y (8:53:13 PM): and itching and burning and bumps.

Y (8:53:15 PM): ahhhh! 

T (8:53:48 PM): down in your lady bits 

Y (8:53:55 PM): AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

T (8:53:58 PM): hahaha 

Y (8:54:04 PM): so not funny 

T (8:54:11 PM): do you have any? 

T (8:54:17 PM): because I wont make fun of THAT one

 

yarf.
April 29, 2008

Y (10:47:38 PM): i think i’m going to throw up
T (10:47:39 PM): those make me happy
Y (10:47:43 PM): lol!
T (10:47:44 PM): ew.
Y (10:47:50 PM): no, in a GOOD way
T (10:47:55 PM): OMG
T (10:47:56 PM):
lol
Y (10:48:00 PM): you poop, i throw up
T (10:48:13 PM): again, things that need to get blogged