Floor Kitty

Y (9:53:29 PM): omg! something is hissing at me through my heat vent in my bathroom floor

T (9:53:38 PM): hissing?

Y (9:53:43 PM): yes! hissing!

T (9:53:45 PM): like an animal?

Y (9:53:46 PM): and scratching!

T (9:53:47 PM): and omg

T (9:53:52 PM): its a HERPY

Y (9:53:52 PM): what the fuck

T (9:54:01 PM): go stomp on the floor

Y (9:54:07 PM): i tried. it hissed

T (9:54:08 PM): scare that shit off

T (9:54:10 PM): oh.

Y (9:54:14 PM): i’ve heard it 3 times

T (9:54:16 PM): throw food out your door

Y (9:54:21 PM): and i saw some kind of eyes

T (9:54:22 PM): and watch out the window

T (9:54:26 PM): NO WAY

Y (9:54:32 PM): IT’S IN MY FLOOR

T (9:54:38 PM): did you drop acid and forget to mention it?

Y (9:54:40 PM): my heat vents are on my floor

Y (9:54:44 PM): fuck off

T (9:54:56 PM): shine a flash light in there

T (9:55:00 PM): is it a cat hissing?

Y (9:55:03 PM): no

T (9:55:05 PM): do you have a trapped kitty?

T (9:55:10 PM): a racoon?

Y (9:55:12 PM): at least i don’t think so

T (9:55:14 PM): a possum

Y (9:55:16 PM): i don’t know!

T (9:55:23 PM): go get a damn flash light and look

T (9:55:50 PM): If you arent back in 5 minutes I will call the po-leese

Y (9:56:01 PM): i can’t find a fucking flashlight

T (9:56:07 PM): a lighter?

Y (9:56:21 PM): and i’m afraid to take the vent cover off. its eyes were right under it

T (9:56:22 PM): how do you not have a flash light?

Y (9:56:26 PM): i tried that, too dim

T (9:56:28 PM): right, don’t do that

Y (9:56:30 PM): i don’t know!

T (9:56:47 PM): like you can’t see it with the lights on?

T (9:56:57 PM): can you close the vent?

T (9:56:59 PM): is it like that?

T(9:57:03 PM): how did it get in your vent?

T (9:57:11 PM): you are going to have to figure that out

T (9:57:22 PM): you are still renting, right?

T (9:57:25 PM): call the landlord!

T (9:57:34 PM): is it a loud hiss?

T (9:57:43 PM): are you positive it is a living creature?

T (9:57:52 PM): I would be freaking the fuck out

Y (9:58:03 PM): yes, it’s living

T (9:58:04 PM): hell, I AM freaking out and I am 900 miles away

Y (9:58:06 PM): and i can’t see shit

Y (9:58:26 PM): the weirdest part is the cats aren’t freaking out

T (9:58:28 PM): it’s only in your bathroom?

T (9:58:30 PM): right

Y (9:58:35 PM): no, it was in my living room the other night

T (9:58:36 PM): take one in there

T (9:58:39 PM): oh

Y (9:58:41 PM): i heard it scratching

T (9:58:49 PM): its a racoon or possum

T (9:58:56 PM): you need to get it out before it dies in there

Y (9:58:57 PM): make it go away!

T (9:59:03 PM): that stinks SO FUCKING bad

Y (9:59:09 PM): what do i do?

Y (9:59:14 PM): and how in the fuck did it get in?

T (9:59:24 PM): well, those would be the million dollar questions

Y (9:59:26 PM): my siding is fucking BOLTED

T (9:59:33 PM): something dug under it

T (9:59:37 PM): you still have a crawl space

Y (9:59:40 PM): FUCK!

Y (9:59:59 PM): should i just cover the vent or put a towel in it or something?

T (10:00:07 PM): it will just go to another one

Y (10:00:15 PM): augh!

T (10:00:20 PM): and do you really want it saying hi in your bedroom?

Y (10:00:25 PM): god damn it

T (10:00:35 PM): call J?

T (10:00:42 PM): if i was up there I would make F go over

Y (10:00:43 PM): why, so he can laugh at me?

T (10:01:05 PM): ummmm…what to do

Y (10:01:12 PM): i think i’t’s gone for the minute

T (10:01:19 PM): its just sleeping

T (10:01:30 PM): really, its not going to do anything

T (10:01:38 PM): its just going to be pissed off wandering around in your vents

T (10:01:53 PM): its probably luxuriously warm in there

T (10:02:05 PM): you guys dont have possum do you?

Y (10:04:46 PM): i think it’s a fucking cat

Y (10:04:54 PM): there’s a bunch of strays around here

Y (10:05:02 PM): i think i saw ears and whiskers

Y (10:05:13 PM): it hissed when i made the come here kitty noise

Y (10:05:20 PM): and i heard it run out

T (10:05:55 PM): ok, so i asked F and his friends who he is talking to on the other computer

Y (10:06:06 PM): makes sense, that vent in the bathroom gets cat food dropped down it daily

T (10:06:13 PM): and the first suggestion was “Piss in the floor vent”

Y (10:06:18 PM): right

T (10:06:35 PM): is it bigger than a rat?

Y (10:06:46 PM): i couldn’t really see anything but i think it’s a cat

T (10:06:51 PM): okay

T (10:06:55 PM): well.. DONT ADOPT IT

Y (10:06:57 PM): simba was just sitting there staring at it

Y (10:06:59 PM): lol

Y (10:07:15 PM): they weren’t hissing or anything

T (10:07:17 PM): you could just name it and call it “floor kitty”

Y (10:07:21 PM): lol, right

T (10:07:45 PM): that would be an awesome memory for M

T (10:07:48 PM): the floor kitty

Y (10:07:49 PM): remember how i found the 3 kittens on my porch?

Y (10:07:52 PM): i think it’s one of them

T (10:07:55 PM): aww

Y (10:08:00 PM): they’re always around here

Y (10:08:09 PM): and a kitty isn’t scary

Y (10:08:11 PM): it’s a kitty

Y (10:09:10 PM): for sure it isn’t litle

Y (10:09:19 PM): it’s not a rat, thank god

Y (10:09:22 PM): or a mouse

T (10:09:26 PM): F and M think floor kitty is a great idea

Y (10:09:38 PM): tell them thanks for the help. hookers

T (10:09:49 PM): the other suggestion was to turn the heat on full blast

Y (10:09:59 PM): so i can cook it?

T (10:10:02 PM): right

T (10:10:05 PM): yum

T (10:10:09 PM): baked floor kitty

Y (10:10:10 PM): worth a shot

Y (10:10:11 PM): brb

T (10:10:16 PM): REALLY?!

T (10:10:28 PM): my cat is killing a bunny

T (10:11:31 PM): okay, its done now

Y (10:15:58 PM): ok, good news is it’s not in my heat ducts, it’s in the crawl space.

Y (10:16:10 PM): i was brave enough to take the vent cover off in the bathroom

Y (10:16:22 PM): where i saw the eyes was behind the heat part

Y (10:16:33 PM): so i shifted the metal and now theres no gap

Y (10:16:40 PM): so no more food for floor kitty

Y (10:16:46 PM): and i think he left anyway

Y (10:16:52 PM): damn, it’s hot in here now.

T (10:17:53 PM): lol

Y (10:18:15 PM): maybe if i stop FEEDING it it will go away

T (10:18:32 PM): I am kind of bummed

Y (10:18:38 PM): thanks?

T(10:18:39 PM): I was really liking the idea of floor kitty

Y (10:18:43 PM): lol.

Y (10:18:59 PM): i don’t want anything living under me

Y (10:19:02 PM): and scratching

Y (10:19:09 PM): cuz i’ve heard it a few times

T (10:19:10 PM): piffle

Y (10:19:17 PM): fear has made me ignore it

Y (10:19:23 PM): i just yell at my cats to stop

T (10:19:25 PM): it’s the ostrich method

T (10:19:27 PM): lol

Y (10:19:30 PM): lol

Y (10:19:41 PM): seriously, that bathroom has their litter box

Y (10:19:49 PM): i thought it was them a few times

T (10:19:58 PM): it was your 4th cat

Y (10:20:03 PM): and then they’re all string at me to make it stop

Y (10:20:14 PM): just what i need, certifiably crazy



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