Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Withdrawl #2
May 29, 2008

T: hello

T: you silly goose!

T: where you is?

T: where mah bitch(es) at

T: seee….this is the problem

T: YOU are never online when I am

T: all your fault

T: how is my bracelet coming along?

T: are your wrists nice and warm?

T: FINE

T: be that way

T: I have sat here interneting for 20 minutes

T: *sigh*

T: you don’t love me anymore do you

T: you are so distant

T: we never talk

T: is there another buzzin?

T: I won’t be mad, I just want to know the truth

T: THERE IS ISN”T THERE

T: after all we have been through

T: *sniff*

Withdrawl
May 29, 2008

Y: YOU THERE?

Y: I’M GOING THROUGH WITHDRAWL!

Y: TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!

Y: i hate you

Y: kidding! i love you! come back!!

Y: don’t be mad at me

Y: I’m sorry for whatever i did to offend you

Y: look, i’m making a friendship bracelet!

Y: FOR YOU

Y: does that not show love?

Y: still mad?

Y: how about if i go on and make that killer shower curtain?

Y: heh heh?

Y: i’ll even use pink!

Y: bah

Y: forget it

Y: i don’t like you anymore

Y: you’re no longer a buzzin

Y: fuck you and your dirty pirate hooker husband

Y: no, no, no!

Y: i kid!

Y: you’ll always be in my top 8

Y: one day you’ll have to talk to me again

Y: and on that day i will fart in your general direction

Y: cuz you suck donkey balls

Y: *sigh*

Ghetto
May 4, 2008

T: I will drive us through where we used to live

Y: sweet!

T: we will pass it on our way back from the airport

Y: we won’t get shot at will we?

T: naw

Y: damn.

T: you can get more Rap Snacks

Y: i always wanted to be in a drive by

Y: nice!

T: well, we might get lucky

Y: if only society continues to decline. i’ll cross my fingers

 

Dirty Pirate Hookers
May 1, 2008

T (10:39:13 PM): F looked over at me tonight during dinner and said something like “I am so excited for you.”

Y (10:39:20 PM): aww!

T (10:39:29 PM): in fact he just came out and said “who ya chatting with?”

T (10:39:56 PM): I said Y and he goes “is she excited? are you excited? are you both just like ‘AAAAAAAHHHHHH!'”

T (10:40:01 PM): I nodded excitedly

Y (10:40:20 PM): i’m kind of disappointed he won’t be there to pick me up with you. i bought an eyepatch

T (10:40:24 PM): haha

T (10:40:29 PM): we will pick him up from work

T (10:40:37 PM): you can present it to him then

Y (10:40:44 PM): even better! now the people at the airport won’t think i’m crazy

T (10:40:54 PM): and none of the girls are going out with us – mother’s day bitches

Y (10:41:05 PM): damn, now i need an eyepatch

T (10:41:08 PM): lol

Y (10:41:12 PM): fuck those sluts

T (10:41:15 PM): but you will get to meet them

Y (10:41:19 PM): it’s ok, i work alone anyway

T (10:41:25 PM): because, F and i work at the same place

Y (10:41:30 PM): i know!

T (10:41:34 PM): i know you know!

T (10:41:41 PM): it’s all so exciting!

Y (10:41:45 PM): that will be my ‘PROFESSIONAL’ outfit day

T (10:41:57 PM): it doesnt matter, they have all seen pictures

Y (10:42:01 PM): oh great

T (10:42:05 PM): besides, Friday is casual friday

T (10:42:07 PM): jeans and all

Y (10:42:14 PM): so much for a good impression

T (10:42:17 PM): oh pfft

Y (10:42:40 PM): i don’t care! i’ll be wearing an eye patch and shouting DIRTY PIRATE HOOKERS at them all

Y (10:42:58 PM): and then i’ll ask them to try my magic bathmats

Y (10:43:05 PM): they are all going to want to fuck me

T (10:43:34 PM): thats true

T (10:43:37 PM): F works in IT

Y (10:43:43 PM): ok

T (10:43:45 PM): so the men there are not picky

Y (10:43:55 PM): thanks cuz

 

7am
May 1, 2008

T (10:36:32 PM): sorry again the miles thing didn’t work out

T (10:36:38 PM): didn’t see that shit coming

Y (10:36:49 PM): no big deal. we found a great deal anyway

T (10:36:51 PM): but, it’s probably for the best, since the ticket is like the same price

Y (10:36:54 PM): see, it worked out!

Y (10:37:12 PM): and maybe that plane will crash so it’s for the best

Y (10:37:41 PM): i told you, i would’ve spent $600 in gas driving anyway

Y (10:38:05 PM): now i’ll only spend about $200 in the airport bars

T (10:38:09 PM): right

T (10:38:16 PM): well, at 7am?

T(10:38:18 PM): yikes

Y (10:38:24 PM): ESPECIALLY at 7am

 

Rip currents
May 1, 2008

T (10:24:37 PM): you don’t go in the water without a grownup knowing

Y (10:24:41 PM): lol

T (10:24:47 PM): you know about rip currents?

T (10:24:57 PM): (its that time of year)

Y (10:24:58 PM): is that anything like rip torn?

Y (10:25:08 PM): i assure you i probably won’t swim

Y (10:25:13 PM): i have my hair to think about

Y (10:25:20 PM): it may turn green

T (10:25:30 PM): right, not the pool – the ocean

Y (10:25:32 PM): lol, kidding

Yy (10:25:37 PM): it’ll just be icky

Y (10:25:41 PM): and i don’t like icky hair

Y (10:25:44 PM): i’m a girl

T (10:25:48 PM): Rip currents can be killers. The United States Lifesaving Association estimates that the annual number of deaths due to rip currents on our nation’s beaches exceeds 100. Rip currents account for over 80% of rescues performed by surf beach lifeguards.

T (10:25:54 PM): I am doing my dooty

Y (10:25:56 PM): you’re going to laugh at the extent of my girliness

Y(10:26:08 PM): sweet

Y (10:26:23 PM): then i will go no further than ankle deep

T (10:26:25 PM): I will give you a review when you arrive as to what to do should you find yourself caught in one

Y (10:26:31 PM): which is fine so the sharks don’t get me

T (10:26:34 PM): don’t want you to drown

T (10:26:38 PM): god forbid

T (10:26:43 PM): your hair

 

ALL CAPS
May 1, 2008

Y (9:41:46 PM): WHOSE HOUSE?

Y (9:41:49 PM): T’S HOUSE!

Y (9:41:52 PM): SAY WHAT?

Y (9:42:00 PM): YFest 2008 is so on!

T (9:43:28 PM): oh yea?

T (9:43:31 PM): its official?!

Y (9:43:51 PM): it’s official. i talked to C tonight and my boss. all is good

T (9:43:57 PM): holy crap

Y (9:44:02 PM): I KNOW!

T (9:44:02 PM): well when are you getting the ticket?

T (9:44:07 PM): then I will believe it

Y (9:44:12 PM): tomorrow after my check cashes.

T (9:44:17 PM): AWESOME!

Y (9:44:21 PM): I KNOW!

T (9:44:36 PM): OMG!

Y (9:44:39 PM): i’m so excited!

T (9:44:40 PM): THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME

Y (9:44:44 PM): lol

T (9:44:45 PM): I CANT STOP TYPING IN CAPS

Y (9:44:49 PM): lol, I KNOW!

T (9:45:02 PM): BADASS!

Y (9:45:10 PM): C WAS ALL, *SHRUG* “SURE”

Y (9:45:20 PM): AND I WAS ALL *HAPPY DANCE*

T (9:45:32 PM): F WAS ALL *JAW DROP*

Y (9:45:38 PM): EVEN BETTER

T (9:45:47 PM): you rendered my husband speechless

T (9:45:48 PM): lol

Y (9:45:54 PM): is that a first or what?

T (9:45:58 PM): close to

Y (9:46:08 PM): MAGIC BATH MATS!!!!

T (9:46:13 PM): Rofl

Y (9:46:26 PM): IT’S IN LIKE TWO WEEKS!

T (9:46:30 PM): I KNOW!

Y (9:46:33 PM): LIKE TWO WEEKS!

T (9:46:50 PM): awesome!

T (9:46:52 PM): I am not cleaning

T (9:46:53 PM): lol

Y (9:47:00 PM): i could care less

Y (9:47:08 PM): fuck, i’ll HELP you clean

Y (9:47:13 PM): i may go through withdrawl anyway

 

 

 

 

 

YFest2008
May 1, 2008

T (9:55:13 PM): what do you want to do?

Y (9:55:19 PM): absolutely nothing

T (9:55:23 PM): just veg and drink and go to the beach?

Y (9:55:26 PM): yup

T (9:55:30 PM): I rock at that

Y (9:55:35 PM): lol

Y (9:55:46 PM): i need and honesttogod break from all things real

T (9:56:09 PM): we can stay up late and eat bacon and watch movies and drink!

T (9:56:15 PM): we can drink BOGO wine!

T (9:56:32 PM): you have to smoke outside though

T (9:56:37 PM): lol

T (9:56:45 PM): but we have patio furniture

Y (9:57:05 PM): i dont care if it’s warm

T (9:57:11 PM): which it is

Y (9:57:23 PM): lol, good

Y (9:57:50 PM): and i’m definately going to want to dance my ass off in slutty clothes

T (9:57:59 PM): hmm

Y (9:58:00 PM): especially when i’m drunk on wine

T (9:58:07 PM): in a club?

Y (9:58:23 PM): pfft. anywhere that serves alcohol will do

Y (9:58:44 PM): a gay club!

Y (9:58:46 PM): i want gays

Y (9:58:48 PM): in a club

T (9:58:54 PM): oh lord

Y (9:58:56 PM): and dancing

T (9:59:07 PM): i have not been to a club since I was 19

Y (9:59:12 PM): lol, you don’t know what you’re getting into with me coming out

T (9:59:29 PM): we could take over mom’s condo one night

T (9:59:41 PM): and then we dont have to worry about drinking/driving

Y (9:59:41 PM): i’m going to bring my stipper heels. and i may or may not wear panties

T (9:59:47 PM): rofl

T (9:59:49 PM): great.

Y (10:00:04 PM): just a warning. so you can’t say i’m crazy. i told you i am

T (10:00:21 PM): do you want it to be just you and I or can F go to da club too?

Y (10:00:43 PM): the more the merrier! and if you have a hot random friend, he’s welcome too.

Y (10:00:47 PM): as long as he has no stds

T (10:00:54 PM): not going to taste test

Y (10:01:08 PM): you or me?

 

Anal glands and Ghost fucking
May 1, 2008

T (9:15:45 PM): tomorrow I get to try to catch my dogs pee in a pie tin

Y (9:15:57 PM): that sounds like promising fun

Y (9:16:01 PM): and why is that?

T (9:17:32 PM): to sell on ebay

T (9:17:36 PM): the vet wants a pee sample

Y (9:17:41 PM): duh. for what

T (9:17:55 PM): she has been licking her butt obsessively for a while now

T (9:18:01 PM): and she licks the carpet too

Y (9:18:01 PM): anal glands

Y (9:18:05 PM): they need squeezing

Y (9:18:11 PM): lol

Y (9:18:16 PM): seriously though

T (9:18:20 PM): yea yea yea

T (9:18:28 PM): she has never in 9 years needed that done

T (9:18:34 PM): but I will be happy if that is what it is

Y (9:18:36 PM): and the carpet is because she’s slow

T (9:18:40 PM): bah

Y (9:18:43 PM): maybe it’s about time then

Y (9:18:50 PM): ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Y (9:18:53 PM): that’s so gross

Y (9:19:05 PM): we were talking about it the other day at work

T (9:19:09 PM): oh come on, if you could lick your lady bits, you wouldn’t?

T (9:19:21 PM): I sure as hell wouldn’t be on AIM as much, that’s for sure

Y (9:22:40 PM): lol, ok, that is true

Y (9:22:49 PM): i woke up from naptime today with an orgasm

Y (9:22:54 PM): THAT was interesting

Y (9:23:46 PM): apparantly i would definatly take advantage of the self licking skill

T (9:24:15 PM): nice!

T (9:24:29 PM): you getting ghost fucked?

Y (9:24:34 PM): apparantly

T (9:24:42 PM): not a bad way to start an afternoon

Y (9:24:55 PM): lol. no shit. i was much happier the second half of the day

 

Floor Kitty
April 30, 2008

Y (9:53:29 PM): omg! something is hissing at me through my heat vent in my bathroom floor

T (9:53:38 PM): hissing?

Y (9:53:43 PM): yes! hissing!

T (9:53:45 PM): like an animal?

Y (9:53:46 PM): and scratching!

T (9:53:47 PM): and omg

T (9:53:52 PM): its a HERPY

Y (9:53:52 PM): what the fuck

T (9:54:01 PM): go stomp on the floor

Y (9:54:07 PM): i tried. it hissed

T (9:54:08 PM): scare that shit off

T (9:54:10 PM): oh.

Y (9:54:14 PM): i’ve heard it 3 times

T (9:54:16 PM): throw food out your door

Y (9:54:21 PM): and i saw some kind of eyes

T (9:54:22 PM): and watch out the window

T (9:54:26 PM): NO WAY

Y (9:54:32 PM): IT’S IN MY FLOOR

T (9:54:38 PM): did you drop acid and forget to mention it?

Y (9:54:40 PM): my heat vents are on my floor

Y (9:54:44 PM): fuck off

T (9:54:56 PM): shine a flash light in there

T (9:55:00 PM): is it a cat hissing?

Y (9:55:03 PM): no

T (9:55:05 PM): do you have a trapped kitty?

T (9:55:10 PM): a racoon?

Y (9:55:12 PM): at least i don’t think so

T (9:55:14 PM): a possum

Y (9:55:16 PM): i don’t know!

T (9:55:23 PM): go get a damn flash light and look

T (9:55:50 PM): If you arent back in 5 minutes I will call the po-leese

Y (9:56:01 PM): i can’t find a fucking flashlight

T (9:56:07 PM): a lighter?

Y (9:56:21 PM): and i’m afraid to take the vent cover off. its eyes were right under it

T (9:56:22 PM): how do you not have a flash light?

Y (9:56:26 PM): i tried that, too dim

T (9:56:28 PM): right, don’t do that

Y (9:56:30 PM): i don’t know!

T (9:56:47 PM): like you can’t see it with the lights on?

T (9:56:57 PM): can you close the vent?

T (9:56:59 PM): is it like that?

T(9:57:03 PM): how did it get in your vent?

T (9:57:11 PM): you are going to have to figure that out

T (9:57:22 PM): you are still renting, right?

T (9:57:25 PM): call the landlord!

T (9:57:34 PM): is it a loud hiss?

T (9:57:43 PM): are you positive it is a living creature?

T (9:57:52 PM): I would be freaking the fuck out

Y (9:58:03 PM): yes, it’s living

T (9:58:04 PM): hell, I AM freaking out and I am 900 miles away

Y (9:58:06 PM): and i can’t see shit

Y (9:58:26 PM): the weirdest part is the cats aren’t freaking out

T (9:58:28 PM): it’s only in your bathroom?

T (9:58:30 PM): right

Y (9:58:35 PM): no, it was in my living room the other night

T (9:58:36 PM): take one in there

T (9:58:39 PM): oh

Y (9:58:41 PM): i heard it scratching

T (9:58:49 PM): its a racoon or possum

T (9:58:56 PM): you need to get it out before it dies in there

Y (9:58:57 PM): make it go away!

T (9:59:03 PM): that stinks SO FUCKING bad

Y (9:59:09 PM): what do i do?

Y (9:59:14 PM): and how in the fuck did it get in?

T (9:59:24 PM): well, those would be the million dollar questions

Y (9:59:26 PM): my siding is fucking BOLTED

T (9:59:33 PM): something dug under it

T (9:59:37 PM): you still have a crawl space

Y (9:59:40 PM): FUCK!

Y (9:59:59 PM): should i just cover the vent or put a towel in it or something?

T (10:00:07 PM): it will just go to another one

Y (10:00:15 PM): augh!

T (10:00:20 PM): and do you really want it saying hi in your bedroom?

Y (10:00:25 PM): god damn it

T (10:00:35 PM): call J?

T (10:00:42 PM): if i was up there I would make F go over

Y (10:00:43 PM): why, so he can laugh at me?

T (10:01:05 PM): ummmm…what to do

Y (10:01:12 PM): i think i’t’s gone for the minute

T (10:01:19 PM): its just sleeping

T (10:01:30 PM): really, its not going to do anything

T (10:01:38 PM): its just going to be pissed off wandering around in your vents

T (10:01:53 PM): its probably luxuriously warm in there

T (10:02:05 PM): you guys dont have possum do you?

Y (10:04:46 PM): i think it’s a fucking cat

Y (10:04:54 PM): there’s a bunch of strays around here

Y (10:05:02 PM): i think i saw ears and whiskers

Y (10:05:13 PM): it hissed when i made the come here kitty noise

Y (10:05:20 PM): and i heard it run out

T (10:05:55 PM): ok, so i asked F and his friends who he is talking to on the other computer

Y (10:06:06 PM): makes sense, that vent in the bathroom gets cat food dropped down it daily

T (10:06:13 PM): and the first suggestion was “Piss in the floor vent”

Y (10:06:18 PM): right

T (10:06:35 PM): is it bigger than a rat?

Y (10:06:46 PM): i couldn’t really see anything but i think it’s a cat

T (10:06:51 PM): okay

T (10:06:55 PM): well.. DONT ADOPT IT

Y (10:06:57 PM): simba was just sitting there staring at it

Y (10:06:59 PM): lol

Y (10:07:15 PM): they weren’t hissing or anything

T (10:07:17 PM): you could just name it and call it “floor kitty”

Y (10:07:21 PM): lol, right

T (10:07:45 PM): that would be an awesome memory for M

T (10:07:48 PM): the floor kitty

Y (10:07:49 PM): remember how i found the 3 kittens on my porch?

Y (10:07:52 PM): i think it’s one of them

T (10:07:55 PM): aww

Y (10:08:00 PM): they’re always around here

Y (10:08:09 PM): and a kitty isn’t scary

Y (10:08:11 PM): it’s a kitty

Y (10:09:10 PM): for sure it isn’t litle

Y (10:09:19 PM): it’s not a rat, thank god

Y (10:09:22 PM): or a mouse

T (10:09:26 PM): F and M think floor kitty is a great idea

Y (10:09:38 PM): tell them thanks for the help. hookers

T (10:09:49 PM): the other suggestion was to turn the heat on full blast

Y (10:09:59 PM): so i can cook it?

T (10:10:02 PM): right

T (10:10:05 PM): yum

T (10:10:09 PM): baked floor kitty

Y (10:10:10 PM): worth a shot

Y (10:10:11 PM): brb

T (10:10:16 PM): REALLY?!

T (10:10:28 PM): my cat is killing a bunny

T (10:11:31 PM): okay, its done now

Y (10:15:58 PM): ok, good news is it’s not in my heat ducts, it’s in the crawl space.

Y (10:16:10 PM): i was brave enough to take the vent cover off in the bathroom

Y (10:16:22 PM): where i saw the eyes was behind the heat part

Y (10:16:33 PM): so i shifted the metal and now theres no gap

Y (10:16:40 PM): so no more food for floor kitty

Y (10:16:46 PM): and i think he left anyway

Y (10:16:52 PM): damn, it’s hot in here now.

T (10:17:53 PM): lol

Y (10:18:15 PM): maybe if i stop FEEDING it it will go away

T (10:18:32 PM): I am kind of bummed

Y (10:18:38 PM): thanks?

T(10:18:39 PM): I was really liking the idea of floor kitty

Y (10:18:43 PM): lol.

Y (10:18:59 PM): i don’t want anything living under me

Y (10:19:02 PM): and scratching

Y (10:19:09 PM): cuz i’ve heard it a few times

T (10:19:10 PM): piffle

Y (10:19:17 PM): fear has made me ignore it

Y (10:19:23 PM): i just yell at my cats to stop

T (10:19:25 PM): it’s the ostrich method

T (10:19:27 PM): lol

Y (10:19:30 PM): lol

Y (10:19:41 PM): seriously, that bathroom has their litter box

Y (10:19:49 PM): i thought it was them a few times

T (10:19:58 PM): it was your 4th cat

Y (10:20:03 PM): and then they’re all string at me to make it stop

Y (10:20:14 PM): just what i need, certifiably crazy